wintershepherd | [TUSHANSHU] IC Inbox

I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt anyone, Jack.

Tell me what happened. What did exactly your magic do?

That doesn't matter, if I meant to.

[ Last year he'd believed that it did matter. Now, in the aftermath of everything, that belief had been seriously shaken. ]

Someone had a... bad reaction. It got out of control, was much stronger than I can make it. He had to heal himself.

Intent is the only thing that matters, Jack. [He wants to make that clear. He understands how people could see Jack's powers as some sort of mind control but the kid wouldn't harm a fly, or so he thinks. And it's not like he shoves the snow down people's throats.]

Are they alright?

I... think so. I've seen him since and he seemed all right. But I can't-- risk something like this happening again. Last year, it was just... people didn't like it.

But this was different.

Did you have any possible way of knowing?

That it could hurt?

I was told, I didn't listen. It's my fault.

That it could go wrong with that specific person. I'm not sure what others have told you but 'having fun' is the furthest thing away from hurting people.

I have been mind controlled, a lot of times. What you do isn't that.

Wh-- no. No, I didn't know about him specifically.

It's not about... mind control. It's just... different.

[ he doesn't know how to put it into words ]

[He sighs, forcing himself to slow down. Metahuman problems put him on edge, but he has to take a step back.]

If you didn't know what would happen to the man, why are you feeling so guilty?

[ The silence and expression Jack's wearing show just how at a loss the spirit really is when confronted with that question. ]

I...

It had never happened before, had it? All it did was make people happy. You said yourself everyone had had a good time when you let the snow out that first time.

I'm not saying you should wash your hands over it, I'm just trying to understand your reaction.

But people-- expected better so I should have... had it figured out... that's how it's always been.

Didn't you tell me once, most people could not see you where you're from? Because you're an spirit?

Like I couldn't see you, at first.

Edited 2014-01-06 22:42 (UTC)

[ He looks momentarily flummoxed at the topic shift. ]

Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?

Then how could you have had any experience in things like these? How would you have known people expect so much from you, Jack?

How is it like it 'always has been'?

I--couldn't be seen by regular people, there were still... other spirits.

[ Jack takes a deep breath but it rattles, shaking outward and his voice begins to rise. ]

It was always "why don't you know how to do this" and "everyone knows about that" and-- no one seemed to get that I didn't know what I was doing! I had to learn everything from nothing and no one bothered to stop and think "hey, maybe we should give this guy a hand". They just assumed I knew, that I was-- messing up on purpose, for attention!

And I tried, I tried and it was never good enough! There was always something else I got wrong, some piece of information that was so obvious to everyone else! And I just--

... stopped. Caring, about trying to get it right. I wasn't...

[Kal wasn't exactly expecting him to react like that- an outburst is what had them 'fighting' last time after all, recreating that is the last thing he wants when he's trying to help. But he can't say he's surprised either. Jack's reaction... there was obviously something more than what he was saying.

Something more underneath.]

Sometimes, when we have been working for a while at the same job, you forget what it's like in the beginning. Things you had to learn the worse possible way seem obvious to you, and you don't bother explaining to them.

Do you know Kon-El, Superboy? He's on the turtle. You have no idea how long I spent ignoring him, expecting him to just know what to do and then being disappointed when he didn't. He did things right, he was a very good kid with a heart of gold that- [Died to protect the world. Not his story to tell.] -kept on trying to be worthy of the symbol on his chest, just like you are trying to be worthy of the 'guardian' title.

But because I kept focusing on his mistakes and not all the good he did, he believed for the longest time he didn't deserve to be a Super. [He's pretty sure he still thinks so sometimes. He isn't quite sure how to fix it.]

You do so much good, Jack. So much. You make people have fun, don't you realize that's a gift to be cherished, not hidden away? Don't let a mistake that you had no way of knowing about in the first place stop you from doing what you do best.

Edited 2014-01-07 19:51 (UTC)

[ Jack's breath catches slightly as Kal describes a nearly identical situation from the other side of what the spirit feels. And he'd be lying to say that a flash of anger didn't jolt through him, on Kon's behalf, that someone else had to go through the same thing-- only to be followed by a terrible, shameful relief that somewhere, Jack wasn't the only one who'd had to endure that.

Both gut reactions make him feel terrible, choke off his words for a moment.

That's twice now that Kal has said something extremely profound to Jack and he wants, so much, to latch onto it like he did last time... but he's wary. It didn't prevent him from screwing up this time, why would it be any different in the future? This will just happen again and again, exactly as Pitch predicted. He's been a lot more damaged by this whole incident than he lets on because it placed stress on cracks that have been skating below the surface for much longer than anyone realizes. ]

You can't speak for everyone, Kal-El. It's just better if I... don't. I can't ask anyone else to trust what I can do when I don't even trust it myself.

[Kal isn't a mind reader, but it'd be hard not to see the flash of anger in the spirit's eyes. He hardly blames him, he would simply accept it and take the blame if Jack spoke out- he's fully aware he managed things the worst way possible in the past, and that he's barely doing any better in the present. He's also completely at lost on what to do about it and he's usually too busy giving his (usually not requested) advice he doesn't stop to ask for help himself.

He waits, patient, for Jack's answer. He would have been more... disappointed at himself if he hadn't kind of been expecting a reaction of the sort.]

I am not speaking for everyone, that's true. But you can't let others speak for you either.

[But he can tell the kid needs his time to process, to grieve and understand.] If you ever need me, if only to have an ear from someone who's been on the other side, call this suite asking for me.

It's my father's.

Yeah, great.

[ Jack does actually try to inject some appreciation for the offer into his response, but it falls painfully flat. ]

Right. Say hi to your dad.

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